Unexpected Historical Hotties, no.5


The young Franz Schubert. He can finish my symphony any time!

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Unexpected historical hotties, no.4



“Darwin’s Bulldog”, Thomas Huxley.

He can make like an ape and bash my bishop any time!

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Acting True Fact

Charlotte Rampling psyches herself up for every single scene she films by hyperventilating for 20 seconds and then roaring “let’s Rample the fuck out of this!”

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Vive le Visage

Amid all the awful, complex and disturbing issues thrown up by the Paris attacks, I think I may have found the one thing we can all agree on.


Isn’t it weird that Francois Hollande somehow has a face that is a bit too small for his head?

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The poetry of Felicity Thistlethwaite

Felicity Thistlethwaite is the Lifestyle and Travel Editor for Express.co.uk. English would not appear to be her first language. But what she creates has its own strange beauty.

“Would you be impressed if you bought a badge supposed to be filled with hope and brimming with glory – and actually it read Adolf?”


“The haunting images are not one for the faint hearted, and the locations of said hospitals – although confirmed they are in Italy – cannot be revealed… The bath tub filled only half full of – seemingly rain water – is enough to create shivers.”


“People across the West Country spluttered with rage, saying it’s a desecration of their world-famous delicacy.”


“The District Magistrate is said to be pursuing a severe case of negligence. The District Magistrate of Shahjahanpur, Shubhra Saxena, said: ‘It is a severe case of negligence and we are investigating the matter.'”


“What could be more attractive than a bikini-clad an angler holding up a huge catch of the day?”


“WHO knew we were all so sexually charged, especially over the age of 65.”


The Collected Works

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On a first reading of Go Set A Watchman

… I can’t help feeling the big mistake she made was including Jar Jar Binks as a character.

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How to deal with the distressingly young

Are you upset by those occasions when a much-younger workmate fails to get a conversational reference, and then reveals that the event you were referring to would have occurred during their childhood? Do you feel actual physical pain when grown adults reveal that they weren’t even born in the 1980s?

Why not do as I do, and tell them “I’m old enough to be your father. And I might well be, because I’ve fucked your mum loads of times.” That generally shuts the smug little bastards up.

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Tips to liven up your Thursday

Make everyone you speak to today feel panicky and uncomfortable by starting all sentences with the irrelevant prefix, “I’m not racist, but…”

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How Journalism Works

My office yesterday:

“I’ll tell you what, so we can’t get accused of conflicts of interest, shall I write the story about your ex-wife, and you can write the one about my stalker?”

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Things which are much cooler than you, part 19 1/2

Bees. Bees are cooler than you.

chodron bee

Yes they are. Can you shit honey out your arse? No. So shut up then.

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