Monthly Archives: July 2011

Listen with your eyes

I am in the Tesco car park in Bexhill-on-Sea, walking down the central walkway with the black and white lines painted on it that mean you are slightly less likely to be mown down by a myopic driver.   I … Continue reading

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Keeping up with the ofKents

My partner’s family are not very original when it comes to thinking of names for boys. My mother-not-in-law has been known to call everyone in for Sunday lunch by shouting “Michaels!” I once genuinely received a phone call at home … Continue reading

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In which I realise I am definitely a gay

A colleague has emailed a picture of his baby son to the office. It has been printed out ready for the noticeboard. “Ooh!” I say. “Hasn’t he got lovely-” My female colleagues look at me expectantly. “- polished wood floors!”

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Agile! Loving! Belgian!

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CHILD, passed over fence (headless corpse optional)

My mother-not-in-law has ambushed me in a conversation. It is about Auntie Mon. I have never met Auntie Mon. All I know about her is that she is not the same person as Auntie Vron. I’m not certain either of … Continue reading

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